Fade to black
by JenniferHawke
Summary: "Just go." Hawke seethed with anger. After the destruction of the Chantry, she sends away the man she loves. For ten years, she has regretted those words. She'd give just about anything to see him again. A bitter-sweet love story.
1. Prologue: Against all odds

_Author's notes: Well, this short story has been planned for almost two years! It will only be about 3-4 chapters long. This Hawke is heavily inspired by the song "Eva" by Nightwish. Enjoy. _

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><p>"<em>I'm not proving a point. I'm changing a world. You've never been part of the circle. I have! The people fear what we can do, but to use that fear to bludgeon us into submission is wrong! And they do it with our blessing! And if I pay for that with my life...then I pay. Perhaps then Justice would at least be free."<em>

"_Just go." Eva Hawke uttered under her breath, unable to look at the man she had given three years of her life to. A silence permeated the air for several brief moments that seemed to drag out for eternity. Anders stood finally, turning his gaze to Hawke. Amber eyes met her jade ones, eyes she had sought solace in for so long._

"_Thank you for my life. I'll try not to make such a mess of it this time."_

_And with that, he was gone, following her orders as he had so many times before._

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><p>After the destruction of the Kirkwall Chantry, Hawke found herself on the run. She was a fugitive, being blamed for the events that started the mage rebellion. As a mage herself, she couldn't watch as the Templars slaughtered her own kind, for reasons beyond their control. No, she took a stand, and fought for what she believed in her heart was right. Hawke had thought that the Templar's and their vengeance would always be close behind her, nipping at her heels, but soon after, circle after circle rose up and fought for their freedom. There were problems more dire than finding the Champion. Hawke became a name seldom heard, as town by town, country by country fell to the war brewing between mages and Templars.<p>

She stayed with Isabela for a time, her friend taking Hawke wherever she asked of her, but eventually, Hawke could see the way Isabela's once genuine smile had become forced. The pirate longed to do things on her own, to seek out adventure and excitement, not chase a ghost that would never be found. Eva couldn't stand to drag her friend down more than she already had. She knew Isabela would have followed her into death had she asked. Hawke didn't want that. She'd caused enough pain. One evening when they docked to stock up on supplies, Hawke disappeared into the dead of night, not wanting to be found. She'd left a note by Isabela's bed for the pirate to find. Neither were good at saying goodbye. Isabela would understand in time, Hawke was certain.

Thus began Hawke's search for a man hundreds were desperate to find. _I won't rest until he's found, _she promised herself. Eva was about to discover that it's near impossible to find a ghost, unless they want to be found.

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><p>'<em>How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace? When I stand here taking every breath with you. You're the only one who really knew me at all ' - Against all odds, by Phil Collins.<em>


	2. Eva

Author's notes: Some minor spoilers for Inquisition in this chapter. Just a heads up! Thanks to Acherubis for helping me with some of the German here. Like always, please let me know what you think :)

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><p>Years ago, if someone had asked Eva Hawke where she thought her journies would lead her, she would have said anywhere but where she was now. The scent of sour ale and vomit was strong in the crowded space of the Rusty Sword tavern. Laughter filled the air from the inhabitants, most of them too inebriated to stand. Hawke wished she were one of them, not a care in the world other than when their next drink was coming. But that was not the case. She was the one serving them.<p>

"_Just go," _her mind wandered to words once spoken, words she'd so often regretted as she stared blankly ahead.

"Go!" a voice broke her from her thoughts, as she turned to see the barkeep glaring at her. "You gone deaf girl? You've got customer's to serve. Go."

A weary breath left Hawke lips, as she tried to push the memory out of mind. It had been ten years since that dreadful night, and it still haunted her every waking moment. She'd been angry, no… furious with Anders. That fury took over her every thought. Sebastian was demanding his blood be spilled for the deaths that he had caused. Hawke couldn't kill the man she loved, but she _could_ send him away. Let him be someone else's problem while she fixed his mess. Only when that anger began to fade the following days, worry and regret took its place. She was still seething with anger; because of him many had died and she was forced from her home, a fugitive on the run. But she loved him. Where was he? Had someone found him? As hard as she tried to push him out of her mind, the fact was that she would never stop loving him. He consumed her entire being, her every waking thought and dream. Hawke vowed that she would find Anders. Many years she travelled from town to town, places Anders had mentioned in past conversations. She was desperate to find him. Over the last decade she had been throughout Fereldan and the Free Marches, searching for past contacts. She'd even travelled throughout the Anderfels, seeing if perhaps he voyaged back to his homeland. But no matter where she travelled, it was all for nought. Anders was gone, and had been for a long time. It took Hawke a long time, but eventually, she gave up her search and focused on getting by.

Six years prior, Varric had reached her by letter, asking for help with the Breach that threatened the world. She always kept in close contact with the dwarf, updating him on her whereabouts. When she was reunited with him, she remembered how much fighting next to him felt good. It gave her purpose once again, a feeling that had long been forgotten. When she faced the monsters in the Fade, a part of her wanted to have been left behind - to be the one that fell. Other than fighting the evil that was threatening to consume Thedas, Hawke had felt little motivation to get up each day. She would have gladly died to save the others. But in the end, the Inquisitor had chosen to leave Stroud behind. Varric was relieved beyond words, but all Hawke felt was the same emptiness that had been consuming her spirit for years.

After her aid was needed no longer, she disappeared once again. She didn't want to be found. The Seeker Cassandra had so many questions for her, questions that pained her to answer. All Hawke wanted to do was for people to forget about her. Slowly but surely, her wish was granted. The battle at Kirkwall seemed like a lifetime ago with so much having happened in between. Hawke travelled, town to town, her hand for hire in order to make ends meet. She was often met with caution, people leery of her magic. Work became harder and harder to come by, the ones willing to hire her became more and more loathsome as time went on. That's how Hawke ended up where she was at this very moment, working at the Rusty Sword tavern in Kassel. The Anderfels had called to her once more, in one final attempt to locate Anders. She, one of the few people, knew of his birth name; Anders the nickname given to him upon reaching the Fereldan circle. Kassel was his home town. She questioned the inhabitants on the whereabouts of his family farm. After days of searching, Hawke had discovered its location, only to find it had been unlived in for many years. It seemed that the last of his line stopped at Anders, who may very well have been dead for all that she knew. _No_...she scolded herself. If he had died, someone would have found him. Word of his death would travel through Thedas like wildfire. Hawke refused to believe that he was dead. Thus she decided to stay in Kassel, praying to the Maker, whom she wasn't sure she believed in, that one day he would return.

It had been three years since she decided to make Kassel her home. Three years, and she still felt like a stranger. The people were mostly cold and distant. Hawke was grateful that most of the villagers spoke Common, although quite a few of them refused to speak anything other than their native language. She had no need to use an alias, if anyone knew of her past they kept it to themselves. Eva kept her name, unwilling to let go the last remaining piece of her former life.

Working in the Rusty Sword tavern wasn't entirely awful. Johan always paid her when her payment was due, unlike a few other employers she had worked for. However, all the man cared about was coin in his pocket. As long as the regulars kept coming back for more drinks, he was happy. Unfortunately for Hawke, that meant she had to put up with unwanted attention more often than not. The years, while hard on her, had left her still desirable. The corners of her eyes had begun to form soft lines, just like her mothers, but aside from that, she was mostly the same woman. At the age of thirty seven, she could pass off for a woman just entering her thirties, and while she was no spring chicken, that didn't stop the tavern's patrons from leering.

There was one regular she particularly despised. A grey haired man by the name of Olof. He came in at least once every week, and the very sight of him caused Hawke to grimace. Mostly, she'd simply have to deal with the odd come ons here and there from the other patrons. But Olof was aggressive. Many times when she served him drinks, his eyes would deliberately wander up and down her slender frame. Most nights he asked her to follow him home, and every time she refused. No matter how many times Eva turned down his advances, Olof became all the more determined.

This particular evening, he'd already been severely intoxicated when he arrived.

"Hello, gorgeous," he slurred, putting his hand around Hawke's waist. Whiskey was strongly laced in his breath. Eva removed his hand from her, not hiding an ounce of her disgust.

"What are you having tonight?" She asked, out of habit.

"You, if I'm lucky." The men at his table all let out a laugh of approval. Eva narrowed her eyes.

"The usual, I take it?"

"You know it, schöne." he smirked. As Eva walked over to the bar, she could hear the men at his table lower their tone as they began to speak in the Anders native tongue, which Olof was aware she didn't speak much of.

"Be careful with him tonight," responded Hans, the bartender who filed up mugs for her to serve. "He's in quite the mood it seems."

"I'm not afraid of him." Eva huffed.

Hans responded with a smile. "Oh, I know you're not. Still, men like that are reason to be leery. He's got a reputation, you know." In the years she had been in Kassel, Hans was the closest thing she had to a friend. She offered a small smile.

"I appreciate your concern Hans, but it's really not needed."

The front door of the tavern creaked loudly as a large gust of wind entered. Eva's eyes shifted towards the door. A tall figure stepped in, his features hidden by his dark cloak. Her eyes stayed glued to him for several moments. The man took a few steps forwards, before turning on his heel and exiting the tavern in a rush.

"Odd," Hans remarked from behind her.

"Oh well. One last table to worry about," Eva crooned. She picked up a few mugs, and clanked them down on Olof's table. As she was about to turn on her heel to take another order, a strong hand gripped her wrist. She looked down in detest as Olof smiled at her, his yellow crooked teeth visible.

"Come on, schätzchen," he said quietly. "Don't want to make me look bad in front of my men, do you?"

"I suggest you unhand me at once, or suffer the consequences," she practically snarled.

A man at the table laughed with amusement. "She's a spirited little zicke, isn't she Olof?" he goaded him on.

Olof let out a deep growl, and pulled Eva right into his lap. "Come on now. I promised them a good time tonight. You don't want to let us down now, do you?" his breath was hot in her ear, and her stomach churned.

Without a second thought, Eva leapt off of his lap, pulling Olof up by the collar of his shirt. She pressed him up hard against the wall, her eyes narrowed in disgust.

"You touch me again, and you'll lose those fingers!" Her grip tightened, her fingers squeezing his throat as she pushed her knee harshly into his groin. "Or perhaps something else, instead." Olof let out a strangled breath of pain.

"Eva! You back off him this instant girl," Johan yelled from across the room. Hesitantly, she loosened her grip, letting him sag to the floor.

"Stupid Fereldan whore," Olof coughed on the words. For far too long, Hawke had remained compliant to everyone else's wishes. In that moment, she lost all self control. Mana burned at her fingertips, and without thinking, she struck Olof with a flicker of lightning. Not enough to do any serious damage, but enough to hurt for days to come. A loud shriek left Olof's lips as he cowered in pain, whispers and shouts filling the room.

"Did you know she's a mage?"

"I don't want no mage serving me!"

"Lass uns gehen."

"That's it Eva. I don't want to see you in here again." Johan replied sternly, unable to look her in the eye.

"Fine." She strode away, past Hans who began to call after her. She ignored him, taking herself into the dead of the night.

The wind howled, another dust storm threatening to be on its way. Eva trudged through it, feeling every bone in her body wanting to submit to the cold.

"Eva!" she heard a voice call to her in the nearby distance. Hans or one of Olof's men, no doubt. Right now, she hadn't the patience to deal with either. She quickened her stride, pulling her shawl tight to her body.

"Eva! Please, wait!" The voice grew closer. Something inside of her told her to stop, to face her pursuer, but she trudged on. Eva summoned her mana, feeling the ever familiar tingle of magic at her fingertips in case she needed it. A moment later, a hand was on her arm. The second that night. She whipped around, anger crinkling the corners of her eyes.

A shiver ran cold down her spine, having nothing to do with the wind howling around her. Her mana died, not having left her body. The hooded figure from the tavern stood before her, his face finally revealed as his hood fell away from his face.

"Hello, Eva."

An involuntary gasp escaped her lips.

"Anders…"

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><p>'<em>A rose by any other name, Eva leaves her Swanbrook home. A kindest heart which always made me ashamed of my own. She walks alone but not without her name.' - Eva, by Nightwish. <em>


	3. Once upon a dream

Nothing could have possibly braced Eva for this moment in time. No amount of hoping and praying and searching for Anders to show his face could have in any way prepared her for the rush of emotions that attacked her all at once. Memories of his face, the very one before her, swarmed her mind as if they were happening all anew.

_A crackling blaze emits from the hearth, a glow of embers dance across his skin as he tells her he loves her for the very first time. Her eyes well up with tears. She's wanted him for so long. It feels like an eternity has passed, but finally he is with her. She feels as if nothing can tear them apart._

_Arms, strong and comforting hold her as she weeps for the mother she's lost. She would be all alone now, but he is here to give her solace. Never has she felt such pain, not even when her father passed of a heart attack, or when that ogre struck Bethany down and tossed her aside like a rag doll. She sobs and whimpers that she has failed them all. Anders wipes her tears, and tells her that she is stronger than she realises. He's her rock, her strength when she feels as if she has none. _

_The rise and fall of their bodies, as they come together as one. Cries of passion fill the air, the only sounds in the dark of her bedroom after the sun has long since set. It is here that her title of 'Champion' is stripped away, and she is laid bare before him. Only he is allowed to see this vulnerability. They crest together, falling over the edge time and time again until they are spent. He holds her in his arms as they fall asleep._

_Fear grips her heart as the man she loves begins to close himself away from her. Away from all he once held dear. He is hiding something from her. She knows it. But try as she may, he won't confide in her. She feels him slipping away, as a darkness once known as 'Justice' consumes all that he was. In it's wake, Vengeance. _

_Anger boils in her blood so acute it burns, as the scent of burning flesh hangs in the air, making her want to gag and cry at the same time. She loved him. How could he betray her like this? "Just go." The last words she ever says to him. Or so she thought…_

"You…" she finally gasped, when still he says nothing. He simply stared at her, both of them not sure where to go from here. His face was almost just as she remembered. Age had taken its small toll, fine lines surrounding his eyes and marking his forehead. He had a scar too, one that caressed the length of his cheek. She reached out to touch it, but pulled away hesitantly.

"A templar's blade almost did me in eight years ago. The man didn't even realise who I was. Just another mage. The fool…" his voiced trailed away, swept up in a memory she had not been a part of.

"It's been ten years, Anders. I looked everywhere for you. I lost everything!" Resentment was clear in her voice, but she pushed it down. She hadn't spent all of her time and efforts seeking him out, just to fight. "How did you find me?"

"Call it luck. I've spent the last year trying to locate you, Hawke."

"Only a year? What of the other nine? Not a day has gone by that you haven't been on my mind!" Her fingers clenched at her side as her cheeks burned hot. She'd always thought, in spite of all his flaws, that he loved her. Perhaps she had been wrong. Had she wasted all of this time, on a man who never really cared? Tears threatened to fall. Hawke summoned all of her strength, and willed them away.

A deep breath left his lips. "You told me to go. I thought you hated me, that you would rather see me dead then at your doorstep, begging for forgiveness. Walking away that night, walking away from _you _was the hardest thing I'd ever done. I wanted to turn back. Maker, I almost did." His amber eyes never left hers, the sincerity clear in his voice. "I should have, and that mistake is mine alone. I've thought nothing but you for the last decade of my life. I've regretted much in my life, but none as much as the pain I no doubt caused you. I never meant to hurt you Hawke."

Hawke tried to still her heart. It pained her just to look at him. She could barely breathe, her heart was racing so fast. The wind around them began to howl louder, blowing her hair in a fit across her face. She couldn't move, wouldn't dare, afraid that if she were to take her eyes off of him for the briefest of moments, that he would vanish once again. "That still doesn't explain how you discovered my whereabouts."

"A few months ago, I heard through some of my contacts that Varric was back in Kirkwall. I knew if I showed my face there, I would be killed on sight. I couldn't let that happen, not before seeing you again. Still, sending word to him was worth the risk if he decided to hand my correspondence to the guards. I knew he'd be leery about if it were really me or not. I knew in a simple letter, I'd have to prove to him that it really was me, and not an imposter. I mentioned how I tried to give him the pillow my mother made for me, as well as a few other small details only I would know. I guess he took it on good faith. His letter was brief. He wrote '_If you hurt her again Blondie, just remember that Bianca never misses. Go to your home town. You might be surprised in what you find."_

"Varric writes to me regularly. He...he should have said something. Prepared me somehow…"

"Perhaps he didn't want to get your hopes up. You know Varric though. He'll want to hear how this all went down." Anders replied with a smile gracing his lips. Maker, if that sight didn't melt her heart...

"Oh? And just what am I telling our trusted friend? That we stood outside in the cold until the cursed storm fell upon us and swallowed us whole?"

"I'd suggest we go back inside the tavern, but something tells me you want to be far away from that place."

"Come on," Hawke said, tugging at his hand. To her surprise, his fingers wrapped around hers, warm even in the cold. His calloused hands were so familiar, so comforting even in this unknown time. "I don't live too far from here. Follow me."

Eva had no idea where the night would bring them, or if Anders was even planning on staying. There was much to be said still, someplace warm and away from the dust storm that neared. Even so, she couldn't help the ever growing beating of her heart accompanied by the fluttering of her stomach. He was really here. The man she had loved for the majority of her adult life. The man that had given her hope and reason, when she felt so lost and alone in the world. The idea of Anders had become almost like a dream, as if being with him had been something her mind had made up. But here he was, his hand clasping hers, their skin caressing each others. As her house came into view, Hawke felt just as she had, that first night Anders came to her room. Despite all of the self doubting and uncertainty that laid before them, one emotion was prominent above the rest.

Hope.

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><p>'<em>I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream. I know you, that look in your eyes is so familiar a gleam. And I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem. But if I know you, I know what you'll do. You'll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream.' - Once Upon a Dream - Disney Lana Del Rey. _


	4. All coming back to me now

**Author's notes: Over a month, and this chapter is finally complete. Never have I ever put so much thought, energy, and tears into a romance scene. Many thanks go to MizDirected and Apollo Wings for beta'ing this chapter. My eternal gratitude goes to all that take the time to read and review. You guys make all of it worth it :)**

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><p>A pang of anxiety flowed through Hawke as she opened the door to her modest home. While it seemed a palace compared to her Uncle Gamlen's hovel, its homely charm fell far short of the Hightown estate's luxury where she and Anders had resided together for years. Hawke let out a bated breath, as she closed and locked the door behind them. Both of them removed their boots in silence. A sigh of relief came forth, her feet throbbing from standing all day. Her eyes roamed over the living space, suddenly causing her to feel embarrassed at its current condition. Dirty dishes lay scattered across the table from the previous night's meal, along with an empty wine glass. Hawke found little motivation to clean up after herself at the end of the day. She was often too tired, and as of last night, too intoxicated to be bothered with it.<p>

"Sorry about the mess. If I had known to expect company…"

"Hawke," Anders interrupted. "I have been on the run for a decade. You wouldn't believe some of the living conditions I've had to endure." His hand appeared on her shoulder as he stood behind her, his voice directly in her ear. "Your place is more than welcoming."

A chill ran down her spine. Hawke turned away from him as fast as she could, picking up a few dirty dishes that lay out on her table from the night before, and moved into the kitchen. His presence, while not unwelcome, made her uneasy. Ten years was a long time, and even though she'd been searching for him, she felt as though she'd brought a stranger into her home.

"A drink?" she stammered out, not able to look at him. Anders chuckled.

"Sure. A drink with you sounds wonderful."

Eva dumped the dishes into a bin to be washed later, and gathered two glasses from the cupboard. She came back into the living room, seeing that Anders had lit a fire in the hearth. He accepted the glass of wine, raising it with a twinkle in his eye.

"To finding one another, after all this time."

Hawke too raised her glass, letting it clink against his before taking a huge gulp. She needed to relax. Her stomach tied itself in knots, still unbelieving that he stood just inches before her. Now in the light of the fire, she could see the grey that had touched his hair. He was older, they both were. This time, she didn't stop herself when she reached out, running her fingers through his strands. Anders nuzzled into her caress, cupping her hand with his, and resting his cheek against it for a few moments. He smiled, genuinely, before placing a tender kiss to her palm. Her heart raced faster, as she found herself unable to move. She simply stared at the man before her, unwilling to think of anything but the way his touch warmed her, made her feel safe and cared for.

"Anders … ," she finally spoke, incapable of finding the words to describe the whirlwind of emotions that swirled through her like waves pouring into a tide pool.

"I know, Hawke. I know. It's been so long." As always, Anders seemed to know what she felt without her having to tell him. Maybe, despite the time apart, he still knew her just as well as he always had. "But when I look at you now, I see everything that I left behind. I've missed you so." He placed his wine glass on the mantle, his arms slipping around her waist, his hands pressed into the small of her back, inching her closer.

He stood so close to her now, she could feel the warmth of his breath on her skin. Those nights they spent together so long ago came back to her in an instant. The feel of his skin against hers, the way he made her toes curl, basking in the afterglow, their hearts racing. Even now, the electricity crackled between them, the way his eyes gazed upon on her, like a man dying of thirst. She let out a gasp, the tiny hairs on the back of her neck standing on end. She nearly dropped her own glass. Her fingers shook around it, signalling her to place it next to his on the mantle.

"It's been ten years Anders. I need...I need a second to catch my breath. You're here. You're actually in front of me. I need to process this all." Being in his presence completely overwhelmed her. An entire decade she searched for him, desperate to find the man she loved. She'd wanted to tell him she was sorry for sending him away. That she still loved him after all this time. But now that he stood just inches away from her, she was reminded of all the hurt that he caused her.

Anders took a step back, his hands leaving her. The lack of his warmth upon her left her yearning for him. "I understand. I don't wish to pressure you. I've just missed you."

"And I've missed you. Maker, seeing you again...it's as if no time has passed at all. But you have no idea what I've been through. What I've endured."

"Then tell me. Please."

Hawke studied him a moment. Anders had a sadness to his eyes, and suddenly he looked much older than she remembered. The frown lines in his face were deepened, even more than they had appeared a few seconds prior. "How terribly did my actions hurt you? I need to know."

"You put me in a real shit situation, Anders. I had to leave Kirkwall. I couldn't stay, not after siding with the mages. You forced me away from my home. My friends! I had to become a refugee, after all I had done to build a life for myself. And do you have any idea what the worst of it was? Not knowing what happened to you. I tried to hate you. Maker, I tried! But I couldn't erase the years I spent loving you. You were the only thought that consumed my mind for so long. And you know what? I can't help but blame myself for everything that happened." Hawke's breath became ragged. Every ounce of pent up anger and devastation poured from her words, her face hot from the fire that burned within her veins. She never imagined their reunion turning into a heated discussion. Every time she'd thought of what she would say to him when they finally came face to face, she imagined running across to him from a distance, and leaping into his arms, kissing him heatedly until she forgot that he was ever gone.

"You blame yourself? Why? How could you possibly be at fault for what I did?" His brows wrinkled in confusion. Hawke cast her eyes over his features as they crinkled, trying to read the lines as she had a decade ago. She saw the many faces of that man - the healer, the vigilante, and the lover. But it was the broken fool who greeted her now, the man who'd lost it all and was now faced with the only person who blamed themselves for a bloody war more than he blamed himself.

"Because I was there Anders! Anyone who knew you could see Justice taking over. You slipped further and further away from me. I knew something was terribly wrong. And I helped! You asked for my assistance, and even though I knew you were hiding something, I didn't even bat an eyelash. You had me wound around your little finger for years, and you knew it! I can't help but wonder if you ever did love me. Or was it part of your plan from the beginning?"

Tears began to well up in Hawke's eyes, gathering along her lower lashes. Ten years worth of self doubt, self-loathing, and heartache burst through their cell door. Her body trembled, as she looked upon Anders, his own eyes filled remorse.

"Oh sweetheart," his voice cracked. "Don't you ever think that for a moment. You're the love of my life, Hawke. And even though I made a terrible mess of it, as long as I had you by my side, I felt like the luckiest man in all of Thedas."

His words reached out to her, touching something deep inside, as they had so many years before when he came to her bedroom to proclaim his love for her. The anger that burst within her a moment ago began to subside, and in its wake; longing. She couldn't hold back a second longer. She wanted him, yearned for him, for far too long. A cry left her lips as she lunged forward, capturing his mouth with her own. Anders instantly retaliated, pulling her body close against his as he moaned against her lips. He tasted of sweet tea, and smelled of sandalwood and elfroot, just as she remembered. A shiver ran down her spine as his fingers wound into her hair, pulling ever so lightly that it felt heavenly, something he always did to drive her crazy. Just as she'd said, she was wound around his fingers, literally and figuratively. Hawke's resolve slowly melted second by second, as the kiss heated and every hair on her body stood on end. Strong calloused hands roamed up and down her body, teasing her until finally they cupped her breasts over her shirt.

"Anders," she gasped, finally breaking the kiss. Her legs felt unbalanced, like she would topple over if he backed away from her. The mage before her chuckled deep in his throat, pressing his body harder into hers. She could feel how aroused he'd become, matching her own desire. Maker, she loved that even after so long, he still desired her. A whimper left her lips, knowing she could still have that effect on him.

"Where's your bedroom, love?" his breath ghosted across her skin as he whispered into her ear. Hawke nodded her head in the direction of the small hallway. Before she could even open her mouth to speak, Anders hoisted her up, kissing her again. Eva wrapped her slender legs around his waist, softly nibbling at his lower lip. He let out a groan, causing her to laugh. He always did go crazy when she did that.

They somehow made it into the bedroom, bumping into the wall a few times on the way. Still hoisted upon his waist, Hawke grabbed the bottom of her tunic, and lifted it over her head. As soon as it hit the floor, Anders' mouth latched onto her collar bone, suckling at the tender skin there. A sigh of approval left her lips. The blonde mage smiled, laying Hawke gently on her bed. She opened her eyes, her cheeks flushed with arousal, to see him gazing upon her with complete adoration in his eyes. Neither of the pair dared to move for several long moments. Her breathing became heavy with want, and suddenly she became a little self conscious as to why he had stopped ravaging her.

"What is it?"

"You're beautiful. Maker, I've missed this view." A blush crept into her cheeks at the sound of his words. He climbed upon the bed, looming over her. Hawke eased herself back over the furs. Anders placed his hands on either side of her lithe frame, stroking up and down her ribcage. A shudder ran throughout her, his touch setting her nerves on fire. Gooseflesh formed in tiny bumps across her skin. Hawke tugged his shirt over his head, pulling him down for another kiss afterwards. Anders complied to her wishes, his tongue gently encircling her own. The sensation of his warm flesh against her own nearly brought tears to her eyes. His blonde chest hairs gently tickled her skin. Her nails ran patterns across the flesh of his back, red welts appearing in their wake. Anders trembled above her, causing Hawke to break away from the kiss and laugh.

"Still remember all of my weaknesses, I see."

"A few." She chuckled.

Anders cocked an eyebrow at her, a glimmer of mischief appearing into his amber eyes. "Two can play at that game, darling."

Calloused hands unclasped her breast band, pulling it away from her body. Strong fingers stroked at her lush breasts, ever so gently plucking at her erect nipples. Hawke closed her eyes, melding into her pillow as she allowed the pleasure to consume her every thought. Just as soon as she felt comfortable, his touch became cold as ice. Eva's eyes shot open, gasping for air, as she saw the visible mist of mana flowing from his fingertips. He manipulated the temperature coming from his caress. Although his touch felt like winter, it sent heat all the way down her limbs and straight to her core. The tiny hairs covering her pale form stood on end, as his mana swept across her skin, reacting to the own within her veins.

"You're trembling, Hawke." She forced her eyes to meet his own. The man was smiling, of all things, proud that he could reduce her to a puddle within mere seconds.

"And you're a terrible tease," she muttered, barely able to form the words.

"I'm just getting started, sweetheart. I have a lot of lost time to make up for."

Without another word, his mouth attached to her right breast. Light kisses peppered the milky white skin surrounding her nipple. Hawke arched her back, desperate for his touch. His strong hand palmed her other breast, when he finally took her into his mouth and sucked. Saliva coated her erect peak, warming the flesh that had been cold just moments before. She dared to look down at him, their eyes meeting. Hunger burned within him, his honey eyes intense and dark with need. Hawke whimpered at the sight. She missed the way his hands felt on her skin, the way his tongue laved at her like she were his favorite treat. So many sensations overwhelmed her. The gentle flicker of his tongue across her flesh. The tickle that caressed her skin when his hair brushed against her. The sound of him suckling her breast, as her gasps filled the air.

Anders switched off, lapping her opposite breast with his mouth, while his fingers tweaked at the peak that his mouth was previously on. His digits glided with ease across her skin, still slick with his saliva, making her skin all the more sensitive. She'd been so fixated on how incredible his mouth felt on her tender flesh, she didn't feel cold as she always had alone in this room, needing two blankets around her at all times to keep warm. Anders nipped at the skin under her breast, distracting her as one of his hands traced down her abdomen. Once she'd been nothing but hardened muscle. Eva lost a lot of her tone over the years, not battling nearly as much as she once had. Still slender, but more fleshy than she had once been. Hawke thought for the briefest of moments to feel insecure, but her lover didn't seem to even notice. She let out a deep breath, deciding to relax and enjoy what was to come. Anders unlaced her trousers, his fingers working expertly as he planted a trail of soft kisses down her torso. Her eyes fluttered closed, the anticipation nearly unbearable.

Anders took his time, exposing one leg from her trousers. He caressed her ankle with kisses. Hawke laughed joyfully, a sound she'd long forgotten. In turn, Anders let out a chuckle, removing her trousers completely. He took the opposite leg in his hand now, kissing from the base of her foot, all the way up to her knee. Lips met flesh, as he continued to trail up her thigh. When he reached the junction where her legs met, he stopped.

"Spread your legs for me," his voice came out as a deep whisper. Hawke needn't be asked twice. She knew well from experience what pleasure surely awaited her. Her legs fell apart at his command. His fingers trailed over her small clothes ever so gently, stroking a damp spot that had formed. She felt hyper-sensitive, the magic he'd used earlier setting her every nerve ending alive. Or perhaps it was due to the amount of time they had been apart. Countless nights, she thought of such a scenario, imagining the way his hands would feel against her most sacred place. But even her memory paled in comparison. She had never been so acutely aware of his, or any other's, touch before. Ever so slowly, Anders peeled her smallclothes down her legs, tossing them aside to where the rest of her clothes were piled on the floor. Smooth fingers stroked her outer lips. Another chill ran through her, causing her back to arch and her voice to come out in a sharp gasp.

"You're so wet for me already, love."

"I've wanted this for so long. I need you, Anders."

Another smile graced his lips, as the mage sprawled out on his stomach, his face hovering just inches above her. So close, she could feel his warm, teasing breath on her center. Anders knew all too well how Hawke loved the slow build up. She always had. He blew a gentle breath against her sensitive nub. The sensation of his breath, the anticipation of feeling his lips against her most delicate place - it nearly drove her to the brink of madness. Her hips bucked upwards against her will. Anders chuckled.

"Alright sweetheart. You've waited long enough."

One of his fingers circled teasingly around her entrance before slowly dipping inside to the first knuckle. Hawke moaned, unwilling to keep quiet, as he plunged the rest of his digit inside of her. Instantly, her inner walls fluttered around him.

Anders groaned, breathing against her once more. This time, the teasing ceased, as he dipped his face forward, and licked a line up her clit. Pleasure, so intense it nearly blinded her. She couldn't stop from crying out. Anders worked his tongue against her. Slowly at first, as if he just wanted a taste. He lapped at her gently, small tentative licks, as his finger probed and stretched her tight sheath. Soon his strokes were uneven, as he drew out patterns across her swollen nub, keeping her guessing about where he would hit next. The slick glide of his tongue felt exquisite. Anders suddenly withdrew his finger, leaving her feeling empty. A whimper escaped her, as she peered down at him, mourning the loss. He drew his finger to his lips, sucking the taste of her off of him. The sight so erotic, she felt herself becoming even more aroused than she had already been, if that were even possible. His eyes were intense on hers, as he slowly dipped forward, this time pressing his wet tongue inside of her.

Hawke's back arched off the bed, as she cried out loudly. The sensation of his tongue, pressing in and out of her became pure bliss, feeling even better than his finger had. Her fingers clawed into her blankets, winding tightly until her knuckles grew white. As her eyes closed, she remembered the last time they had done this. Back then, it had been velvet sheets her fingers grasped at, not thick wolf furs.

"Maker, Anders," she gasped, her toes curling. "That feels … so good." Hawke peered down to gaze upon his face. Their eyes met, unwilling to move from one another. She examined him, as if he were a painting, searching for flaws in the strokes. She found none, every scar, every line of his body - he was perfect, exactly who she wanted.

After a few moments of pause, Anders let out a groan of his own, trailing his tongue back up to her clit. He sucked gently, easing two fingers into her now. The noises he made as he feasted upon her were needy, and so very erotic to her ears. Hawke loved the way he enjoyed bringing her pleasure, as if it were all he needed to be sated. His fingers curled inside of her, stroking her at just the right angle. It had been so long since she had anyone tend to her needs. All she had for comfort was her own hand in the dead of the night, and more often than not she'd been left feeling unsatisfied. The pleasure blooming inside of her began to mount higher and higher. Her legs shook almost violently.

"Let go, Hawke." Anders whispered against her, before flicking his tongue against her again. His seductive voice with the caress of his wet tongue did her in. With a loud wail, her climax erupted from her, the most intense she'd ever had. Wave after wave of ecstasy crashed over her, so violent that she couldn't breathe. As her orgasm took over, her mind flashed images of their life before it had fallen apart. The way he would talk her through her climax. His strong arms holding her tight after she'd come down. The smell of her on his skin. Suddenly, it became too much at once. The pleasure turned into pain. Hawke tried to suppress it, biting down on her lip in an effort to regain control over her body, but it was no use. Tears fell from her eyes, as a sob escaped her lips against her will. Her body no longer shook from the bliss that consumed her a second ago. It heaved from the emotion no longer willing to stay dormant.

Hawke covered her eyes with one of her arms, trying to hide her tears. Her heaving body gave her away, despite her best efforts. In the blink of an eye, Anders cradled up beside her, pulling Hawke into his arms.

"Love? What is it? Please, talk to me," his voice whispered in her ear as he stroked her hair. More tears fell, as the familiar feeling of being in his arms tormented her. A bittersweet moment. She longed to be with him for so long. But at the same time, he hurt her beyond words. Her life had been taken away from her in a single moment. How many tears had fallen because of this man? And even so, she still loved him.

Anders tilted her chin up, wiping away the tears on her cheeks. "Eva, if there's something I did … I thought you were enjoying yourself."

"I was…" her voice croaked. "I am. It's just… being in bed with you reminds me of what we had. What you took away from me. I was devastated Anders. I spent so long looking for you. None of this feels real."

A pregnant pause filled the air for several long moments. "Do you want me to leave?" Anders' eyes held a sadness, as he sat forward. His words plucked at her heart, fear gripping so hard it felt as if she'd been punched deep in her gut. The pounding in her chest hurt, unbearably so, as panic sank in.

"Don't you understand? That's what I'm afraid of. Now that I have you back, now that you've returned to me … I couldn't bear it if you were to leave again. I love you Anders. Maker take you, I hate you but I don't want to go on in a world you aren't a part of!"

Her chest heaved with another sob. Anders shook beside her, his own emotions spilling from him. "I don't deserve you. I never did," he choked out. He took her hand in his, squeezing it tight. A tear of his own cascaded down his face, falling onto her hand. "But I can't leave you. I won't. I'll be right here until the day I die. I know I promised this to you once, but this time, I mean it with every ounce in my body."

Hawke wrapped her fingers around his neck and pulled his mouth to hers. The kiss became desperate and needy as she whimpered into him. She could taste the tang of herself on him. Frantically, she pulled at the laces on his trousers. She needed him, all of him.

"Hawke," Anders exhaled. "We don't have to continue. I'm more than happy just being with you for the night."

"I've waited so long for this," she whimpered, her voice still croaked from her crying.

"I'm not going anywhere, Hawke." Anders pulled her down to lay beside him. His calloused fingers circled her temple, using a wave of magic to soothe her. Her breath was ragged as she took a deep breath, trying to relax in his arms. "Shh," he whispered into her ear. Eva closed her eyes, allowing the calming magic to flow through her own veins. He'd used this spell on her before, after her mother had died and she had great trouble falling asleep. A few moments passed, when Hawke realised how exhausted she'd become. She attempted to sit up, but Anders pulled her back down against his chest.

"Rest, Hawke."

"I'm afraid you'll be gone when I wake up."

"The only thing that could tear me apart from you is death itself." As grim as his words were, there was a sincerity behind them, and deep down, Eva knew he spoke nothing but the truth. Her mind slowly drifted off as her breathing became labored. Soon, she was in a deep sleep, becoming absorbed into the fade.

There, she roamed a field, the grass greener than a freshly picked apple. It tickled her bare feet, the plush grass dewy from a morning mist. The sun shone brilliant in the sky, bathing her skin in warmth. A cottage sat off in the distance, and while she couldn't be sure why, Hawke found herself drawn to it. Her feet carried her in its direction without second thought. She latched her fingers around the doorknob of the homely wooden door, swinging it wide open.

Anders stood in the far corner of the cottage, tending to a meal. He turned his head over his shoulder, welcoming Hawke with a smile. She came to him, wrapping her slender arms around his waist, holding him tight against her. Her head lay against his chest, feeling the rapid beating of his heart in response to her proximity.

"You're here," she beamed.

"I never left," dream Anders replied with a grin. He leaned forward, his lips brushing against her own. A smile crept upon her face, never knowing such a joyous moment in her life. In turn, Anders began to chuckle. His laughter washed over her as if she were being showered in warm water. Hawke pulled him down for another kiss, chasing his tongue with her own. A heat burned inside her so intense, she needed him more than she needed air in her lungs.

Hawke awoke with a deep gasp. It took her a few seconds for her eyes to adjust to the dark. A groan left her lips when she noticed the lingering ache between her legs. So many times she'd dreamt of Anders, awakening to feeling unsated. Her memory failed, only the briefest of moments, when she felt his unmistakable presence beside her, a warmth radiating from his body that would not be present if she were alone. She sighed in relief, rolling on her side to gaze upon him while he slept.

Never in her dreams had something felt so real. She wanted, more than anything, to leave the past behind them. To forgive and forget, to start a new life with him. Yes, he had hurt her - had left her with invisible scars embedded into her heart. But things could be different now. They weren't in Kirkwall. Divine Victoria declared an end to the circles. They could have the future that Anders had fought for. The future he promised her.

Never in her life had she wanted anything more, than a future at his side.

Hawke brushed a few stray blonde hairs behind Anders' ears, causing the mage to stir in his sleep. Slowly, his eyes fluttered open. He appeared to be dazed a brief moment, until his eyes set on her own.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"I am," she let out a breathy, contented laugh. "Now that you're here." Hawke placed a sweet, tender kiss across his lips. "What is it about you that has me completely, and utterly hopeless?"

"Love is like war, Hawke. It's easy to start, and damned near impossible to stop."

"You're telling me." Her fingers laced into his hair, tugging him closer. The ache in her loins throbbed, and this time she was determined to scratch the itch that only being with Anders could sate.

Hawke trailed a hand down his bare chest, until she reached the bulge in his pants. Biting down her her lip, she squeezed him through his trousers, eliciting a soft moan from Anders.

"Hawke," he hissed. "We can take things slow. I was being sincere - "

"I know," she interrupted. "I don't want to take things slow. Maker, Anders. I've waited years for this." Her hands worked at a frantic pace, unlacing his his trousers. As soon as they came undone, she yanked them as well as his small clothes down his legs. "I need this. I need you." The mage seemed to understand, and gave her a nod to continue. Eva took in the sight of his nude body. Several more scars kissed his pale form. A deep one resided above his navel, and a few criss crossed over his arms and legs. Hawke began to kiss them, starting at the ones on his chest. Her tongue swirled around his skin, as she moved lower and lower. Eva wrapped her hand around his member, her eyes looking into his own.

She smiled, lowering her head to place a soft kiss to the tip. Anders' head fell back against the pillow, as she took him fully into her mouth and sucked hard. The taste that was uniquely Anders filled her mouth as she flicked her tongue around him. As she sank down on him, he began to grow fully erect for her once more. Eva had missed doing this for him. There were few things she enjoyed more than being able to make the man she loved lose control and grunt with pleasure as she worked him with her mouth. There were times when she would be the one in control, making him keep his hands by his head as she teased him, moving her head torturously slow up and down until he begged her for release. Of course, those times he would find a way to repay her with the same kind of treatment. Other nights, when she had the need to be submissive after a long and trying day, Anders would hold her head in place, as he'd thrust his hips up and down, rutting her mouth until he had enough and took her roughly from behind. Tonight felt different than any other time she'd done this for him. Eva looked into his eyes as she moved up and down, slowly, but not to tease. This act, somehow in the moment, was romantic. Beautiful even. One of his hands reached down, stroking her hair behind her ears. She moaned around him, and he gasped for air in turn.

"Eva...I must have you now, love."

Hawke moved off from him, a line of saliva dripping onto his fully erect cock. Anders pulled her into his arms, laying her gently on her back. Their lips connected, kissing passionately as they both groaned, their hands roaming over one anothers bodies. Anders began to rub his erection against her, teasing her with every little movement. Each second felt like an eternity. She couldn't wait a moment longer.

"Please, Anders. Please love."

He complied with her wishes, sinking forward ever so slowly, inch by antagonizing inch disappearing into her welcoming depths. Both moaned together at the union of their bodies, relief heavy in their voices. Waiting any longer would have been far too cruel. Together they were one, just like they were meant to be. Hawke peered into his eyes, and even in the darkened room, softly lit by the fire, she could see everything thing he felt in that instant. She saw the regret for leaving her all those years ago, the tenderness that they were united once more, and the promise that he was here to stay.

Lips gently kissed her neck, tracing up to the shell of her ear. Anders wrapped his lips around her lobe, sucking tenderly as his teeth carefully nipped her tender flesh. Eva placed her legs tightly around his waist, pulling him deeper into her depths. She wanted him, all of him; body and soul.

Wind howled against her bedroom windows, the dust storm having fallen upon them. The whole word could be falling around them, and Hawke wouldn't have noticed. With every thrust into her, every kiss upon her dampened skin, Anders brought her to new heights. She felt her pleasure mounting by the second. Whispered words filled the air; I love you, I missed you, I need you, more. Anders took her hands into his own, pinning them above her head. His fingers wound in her own, squeezing tightly, as if to claim her, and assure her that she was his. He chased away her pain, replacing it with the sweetest agony she'd ever known. It almost felt as if no time had passed, he knew each curve of her body, just how she liked to be touched. His member rubbed against the sensitive nerves inside of her, bringing her closer by the second.

"Anders," she keened out. "Don't stop."

"I don't intend on it," he grunted, "until you come for me again."

Their rhythm sped up soon after. Foreheads touching, Anders increased his thrusts, both of them panting each time their bodies connected. Their lips met again, silencing each others moans. Anders let go of one of Hawke's hands, sliding it in between their slick bodies. He found her sensitive nub again, rubbing her gently with two fingers, but never stopping his sharp thrusts.

"You want this?" he whispered in her ear, taking her lobe between his lips and sucking.

"Please," she whined, feeling her body about to submit to the pleasure he promised. A second later, small electric pulses emitted from his fingertips, throwing her over the edge. Hawke cried out his name, sobbing into the air as the mana inside of her convulsed with each quake of her body, reacting to the magic Anders used against her. Anders released a moan of his own, as he emptied himself inside of her. Her vision sparked white behind her eyes, as she became faintly aware of his slowing thrusts. He stopped all together, but remained inside of her, still together as one. His hands on her cheeks caused Hawke to finally open her eyes, to see the man she loved looking upon her as if she were the most beautiful sight in the world.

"You are incredible," he chuckled, kissing her once more. Hawke sighed into the kiss, as content as she could ever remember being.

"That was wonderful," she exhaled, a sound of pure bliss.

Anders withdrew from her. Hawke let out a whimper, feeling completely empty.

"Don't worry love. You know it only takes a few minutes for me to get a second wind." Eva playfully nudged his arm.

"Presumptuous are you?"

"Well, I have many years to make up for. I don't think we'll be leaving this bed for weeks." Anders lay on his side, pulling her into his arms. Hawke looked into his amber eyes. He looked so content, peaceful. It reminded her of a happier time, when they were just discovering each others bodies.

"What happens now?"

Anders took her hand in his, kissing her knuckles, his soft lips tracing their shape. "Now? I commit to that promise I made you. I will remain with you, until the day I die."

Another lump formed in Hawke's throat. She couldn't remember ever being this happy. She climbed into his lap, one leg on each side of him, and began to kiss him with a renewed vigour.

A laugh escaped the blonde mage as he pulled away. "So you'll have me, then?"

"Again and again. As you said, we have a lot of time to make up for."

Neither of them left the bed until the next afternoon, after they were both completely sated and starved from their exertions. In all of her hopes and dreams, Eva never imagined a more perfect reunion. The man she loved was back in her life. For once, all seemed right in the world.

Fate would dictate that this too, would soon be taken away from the woman that had lost so much.

* * *

><p>'<em>If I kiss you like this, and if you whisper like that. It was lost long ago, but it's all coming back to me. It's so hard to resist, and it's all coming back to me.' - All coming back to me now, Celene Dion. <em>


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